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Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Fandom School: Lunch

Hello, dear readers! You've been to two classes already (if you haven't, check out the two posts before under the label "Fandom School"), so now it's time for lunch. Who will you sit with?

The Whovians
Say hello, to the wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey table over there! The Whovians are a friendly, welcoming bunch, but we are a bit eccentric, and don't ever say that Doctor Who is weird or makes no sense. If you do, you might get soniced! (And in this case, that's not a good thing.) Our table is, of course, TARDIS blue. And did I mention, we've got comfy chairs? (Okay, maybe you have no need of comfy chairs, but please, come anyway.)

The Sherlockians
Say hello to the book-loving, mystery-solving Sherlockians! We might seem a bit aloof or even sociopathic (though we aren't - see here), but if you work hard and aren't an idiot, we'll be happy to have you. Especially if you're entertaining; we're dangerous when bored. Our table looks like the wallpaper at 221B Baker Street. Be warned, if you draw smiley faces on the table, we will shoot them.

The Potterheads
Witch or wizard, muggle or "mudblood" or squib, you're welcome to sit at our table. Here's an exciting feature you'll only find here: our plates magically refill themselves, just like at the great hall. As for our table, its appearance is constantly being changed by magic to suit the fancy of those who sit there. If you come to join us, be warned that magic may be used around you, and people might apparate in without warning. But it's lots of fun. Come join us!

The Star Wars Fans
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away... This table was created. Formed from a remnant of the exploded Death Star, it is where the Star Wars fans gather. Don't get on our nerves, or you might be challenged to a lightsaber duel. 

The Trekkies
Join us? That would be... highly illogical. But you're welcome to, anyway. We have lots of fun over here, and if you're lucky, you'll get to ride the Enterprise! Our table is the only non-circular table, and it's a replica of the Enterprise spaceship. 

The Frozen Fans
Watch out! Things can get a little cold here at this table made entirely out of ice. The talented Queen Elsa herself made it, and she visits here from time to time. Don't be surprized if someone asks "Do you wanna build a snow man?", but don't expect anyone to propose to you the day they meet you. We Frozen fans know how that turns out!

The Princess Bride Fans
Come join the group of friends who believe that, above all else, true love will prevail. Don't be surprised to hear "Farm boy, fetch me that pitcher." You should be very honored if you hear someone answer you with "as you wish", because what that really means is... Well, any fan can answer that one for you. This table has a picture of Buttercup and Westley kissing, because true love is amazing. And maybe one day, you won't mind the kissing so much. 

The Avengers Fans
You can only join us if you have a superpower or a cool suit. Well, actually, that's not true. You just have to like the Avengers. Take a picture of yourself with one of the Avengers who visit here from time to time, and that picture might be featured on the table. Pictures change every week. Come save the world with us!

The How to Train Your Dragon Fans
Come join us here and get the opportunity to raise your very own dragon! Hiccup and Toothless will teach you how. Also, get excited because they frequent this place. They love food! Watch out for the scorch marks on the table, though.

The Eragon Fans 1
Kvetha, Fricai. Greetings, friend. Come join us. You may be wondering what separates us from the other fandoms. "Other fandoms have magic, dragons, elves, etc." That may be true. But do they have people like Eragon? Do they have dragons like Saphira? Do they have women as bold as Nasuada? I don't think so. You may like your fandom, but our characters are amazing. Our table is beautiful. It is made entirely of jewels, which store massive amounts of energy in case you need to cast a spell. So, come on. Eka aí fricai un Shur'tugal. I am a rider and a friend.

The Hunger Games Fans
No, you don't have to kill each other to eat here. However, you do have the option to go off-campus to the nearby forest and hunt for your food. Buy a Fandom School bow and arrow set, and be entered into a raffle to hunt with Katniss Everdeen! Have a good lunch, and may the odds be ever in your favor.

The Divergent Fans
No matter what faction you're from, you can come eat with us. Even if you're factionless, you're still allowed. (If you're wondering if why we're so selfless, it's because the leaders are Abnegation.) You should be careful of starting an argument here, though: the Dauntless can be short tempered, and you don't want to mess with them!

Loki's Army
Don't trust anyone here. We're all, lying, cheating, thieving tricksters. [Just kidding, I mean no offense to any of Loki's Army. I wouldn't want to incur your wrath.] Come here for fun and entertainment, but beware: you might get Loki'd!

The Big Bang Theorists (Okay, so I guess that's not the official fan name, but it should be.) Come join us. The table is nothing exciting, it looks like the cafeteria tables in Big Bang, but you might see Sheldon and his friends here, so that's exciting. If you join us, you'll experience a unique phenomenon: every day at exactly 12:00PM, we stand on our chairs and sing the theme song together. It's loads of fun!

The Les Misérables Fans No, we're not all miserable. We actually have lots of fun. Be warned, though: you might not hear any speaking at all. We love to sing! (If you are reading this aloud, please sing the Les Misérables section.)

The Kung Fu Panda Fans Come join us and eat with Po! You can come at any time of day; Po is always hungry. Or, if you prefer, skip eating all together, and train with the Furious Five. It's hard work, but it's totally awesome!

So who will you sit with? I'm a Whovian all the way, but I'd be happy at any of these tables. Join us next week as we head back to class and learn about the emotions and feelings of being in a fandom.

1. Personally, I think Eragon fans should be called Shur'tugal or Riders, but there's no official fan name.

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